What the fuck is going on goddamnit? I didn't get to go on my coffee date yesterday due to an unforeseen puppy paw injury, and a firm reschedule has not been set. Sucks. So now I need to come up with something else to write. Well I could bore the ever-loving shit out of you by describing the absolute clusterfuck this damn cooler has caused and railing against the landlady that let it happen and continue to happen during one of the hottest weekends in August, but I save that shit for my nearest and dearest (don't you guys feel privileged?)
Then I thought I might do a funny piece on these ass-ugly weird panties you get by mail order which are studded front and back with dozens of tiny magnets, but I lost the flier and I couldn't find a picture of them to include. Pity because these were some fucked up panties. I'll find them again somewhere I'm sure. Note to self: scour web for weirdest and worst panties.
What I am going to do, you lucky people, is talk about an increasing issue in the lives of women today. The Shared Man Experience. This is what happens when two female friends are connected in something more than a casual way to the Same Guy. This isn't like swapping emails or having lunch with your ex and his new lady, no no no. This is two women, friends, who are having a Shared Man Experience over a guy neither of them is with anymore. It's like this- Friend A wants a relationship with Guy B, but it fails on takeoff due to numerous boring reasons. Friend B becomes friends and wants a relationship with Guy B, but the sparks don't fly. Friendly enough, but for a minute there was bad blood between Friends A and B over Guy B. Well now that Friend B is not with Guy B, Friend A wants to commiserate a bit, try to turn the Shared Guy Experience into a bonding exercise, but what is the etiquette there? See if it was a Shared Douchebag Experience it would be easy:
Girl A: Guy B wanted to stick a pogo stick up my ass and make monkey noises. In church.
Girl B: Yeah, sounds about right! Did I tell you about the time he wanted me to wear his dead grandad's old suit while we made out on his casket? During the funeral?
Girl A: The same funeral he hit on your auntie and punched a pallbearer?
Girl B: Yeah, what a douche.
Girl A: Agreed. More tequila?
Girl B: More tequila! More chocolate! More strippers!
Girls A and B: MORE TEQUILA SOAKED CHOCOLATE COVERED STRIPPERS!!!
However, with the Shared Guy Experience it can be a little sticky. You may hear something from a friend, or in these days a blog, and find out that Guy B said something along the lines of "Feminism created all these single moms nowadays" while on a date with Friend B. Well Friend A would love to use this as a jumping off point for a conversation about feminism and single moms, but because it was inspired by a time between Guy and Girl B it is firmly in the Shared Guy Experience and could be construed as a way Friend A is trying to get into a Shared Douche Experience or simply start a Bitter Woman Flame Fest (tm).
What is the etiquette here? Is there a code word for "I heard about this thing that happened and I want to talk about it, but not really about him even though he was there" that I don't know about? Is this an argument for or against extroversion? Where does one procure a tequila soaked chocolate covered stripper in Tucson? The answer to all this shit is I don't fucking know, but now I want some chocolate, booze, and decent conversation.
For the record, I do not believe that Feminism created more single moms. Feminism created capable and unashamed single moms. Suck on that Guy B.
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