Friday, October 1, 2010

Well ain't that just always the way...

I haven't really spent much time on OkC lately. Been getting a little bummed by the whole thing, to be honest. The last post I did about what I really want to put in an ad? Yeah, I just did that. Just now I copied and pasted the whole shebang over there. I'm not getting any messages anyway, so who fucking cares? I need some more photos of me on there, but there's a couple problems with that:

1. I change my hair all the time, I know this is a small thing really, but still

2. I HATE having my picture taken. HATE IT. I am NOT photogenic and I know it. Come on, the nicest pic I could find to put on this thing makes me look like a goddamn Che Guevara t-shirt! I prefer to just do it myself in a mirror, no matter how friendless it makes me look. Fuck you, I don't have professional photogs for friends.

3. Even if I was in the mood to try and take a decent pic of me (and I am really not ever in that mood) this bathroom mirror I have now is up so high if I'm not wearing stacked heels you cannot see my whole face. It makes putting makeup on for work very interesting. This would be me ---> w-(’u')-w

4. My face is set for fall and the weather around these parts is pure summer. The skin does not appreciate this fact, nor the typical rush o' hormones one has close to their 30th birthday. I'm broken out, in other words. Yeah, I could probably edit the spots out even if I had to use MS Paint, but it just doesn't put someone in a "I feel pretty" mood, you know?

And ain't that always the way? You want to feel pretty, you want to put that best face forward and your face, your own goddamn FACE rebels against you. FMF.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

What I Really Want to Say

I am getting really tired of online ads. How can so many people find so many ways to say nothing? I'm including me in that assessment, I have over 500 words in my profile and it fails at conveying what I'm really like. Just like Bachelor #3's profile failed spectacularly in forewarning the ladies he has hangups galore when it comes to women who know a thing or two about their sexual natures, mine fails in letting the guys out there know that I am that kind of girl. However, would a more truthful profile be any better? Is there a reason, some rule I'm not aware of (totally possible) that we as people aren't more honest about themselves when it comes to things that may make or break a relationship with another person? Let's try it, shall we, and see what makes a 100% honest profile such a bad idea. I'll even do it in OkStupid format to make it even more plausible (ish).


My Self Summary

I'm a mom first and foremost. I work outside the home, raise my kid alone with no help from anybody, pay the bills and keep the budgets, run all the errands, do the yardwork. I share my house in which I also help out with occaisional cooking and cleaning. I spend 99% of my time doing things for everybody else, and I'd like to focus on me a little bit. Recently I've gotten my mom to agree to take care of the Kidlet so I can get out of the house and try to remember what being an independant human being is like.

So far the biggest problem I've found with meeting people on here is that they don't seem to have any time to date anybody. Please, if you feel it would be a chore to make time for me, say, once a week, then don't get my hopes up. Another issue seems to be that nobody does "dates" anymore. It's always "hanging out". I thought "hanging out" was something you did after the date when you know you're happy just being with another person. You know, when you're comfortable to the point that you can forego eyeshadow and burp in front of them. Maybe that's just me.

I enjoy giving and receiving neck/shoulder/back rubs. I don't embarass easily. I like clean fingernails and shiny toes. I have a PhD in snark.

What I am Doing With My Life

Working when I can and surviving day to day. Little by little getting back into myself as a human being, not just as a mom. Conversely, I'm also trying to find new things to experience with my son that are free and won't make me nauseous.

I'm Really Good At

I make jokes a lot about almost anything and I love to tell stories (usually when you don't expect them). Normally, I can hold my own on any given subject of conversation from asparagus to Zionism. I do all the voices in my son's storybooks and can carry a tune without a bucket. Sometimes I wish I could just check into a nice hotel and draw for a couple days.

I like to throw tasty things into a crock-pot and have it be even better by dinner time. Spaghetti sauce and Amaretto cake are my specialties.

The First Things People Usually Notice About Me

I'm short, sardonically funny, and pretty darn open about anything you'd like to know.

My Favorite Books, Movies, Music and Food

I read constantly. Right now I'm on the last book of Harry Turtledove's "Settling Accounts" Series. My current favorites include alternate histories, dystopian novels, Jasper Fforde, and China Mieville.

I like lots of different movies including documentaries, comedies, most super hero movies, bad Sci-fi (love MST3K and RiffTrax), Stephen Chow, Shaun of the Dead, Monty Python, and the very occaisional chick flick.

Music is another mix of just about anything from Mozart to Classic Rock to modern Pop. I listen to the radio in my car a lot and find that I know a lot of songs but I don't know who sings them. I have a soft spot for 90's music including Lisa Loeb and Tori Amos. I sing "Cornflake Girl" as a lullaby to my son. I've always loved David Bowie.

Given my figure, you may assume I really like food. You'd be right. Sushi, Pho, Chinese, and Indian food are all wonderful. Italian beef sandwiches, chicken wings, pizza and beer are all great too. I watch a lot of food shows on Travel Channel and Food Network. Hell's Kitchen is back on which makes me happy. I don't drink soda anymore, but I love iced tea and good coffee.

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without

My son, good food, great books, my sense of humor, new things to learn, and something to look forward to.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About

What kind of home I'd like to have, and my role in it. I want to be married. Ideally I'd like to have another child or two and do it right this time. My son is the happiest of accidents but I never intended to be an unwed mother. I'd like to be able to have the freedom to stay home while the kids are small and make a home for them, myself, and my husband. I'm not Martha Stewart but I think I could do it in my own way. I'd like to not have to worry about utilities being turned off, or checks bouncing. When the kids are in school I'd like to be able to work part time somewhere and put that money in savings and/or use it for vacations. Either that or sock it all away for the African photo safari I'd like to take before I die. Sound too June Cleaver-ish? Too bad. Believe me, I have a way to put my own stamp on anything I do.

What is my son going to be when he grows up? What should my next art project be? How the hell am I supposed to achieve any of the things I've already mentioned?

On a Typical Friday Night I Am

Doing absolutely nothing special, that's kind of why I'm here, I'd like to change that. It's time for some Out of the Ordinary.

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit

I have absolutely no problem talking about sex, or making my desires known, but in reality 98% of anything I've experienced has been with a total of 2 guys, both of which were men I thought I was going to marry. Those experiences have made me somewhat sex-forward and that may throw certain guys off. Imagine how much fun the guy that puts a ring on my finger and actually follows through is going to have. Serial monogamists can be kinky too.

You Should Message Me If

You are seriously searching for a partner, not just a date. You have a love for a good debate and realize that a debate and an argument are not the same thing. You are patient even when I'm not. You're dependable and just a little bit nuts without any silly hangups about commitment or sex.

Speaking of messages, why do I keep seeing profiles with bits in them about how "girls get tons of messages anyway and I don't want to get lost in the crowd". What the hell kind of crap is that? Just send a message for Heaven's sake! I don't bite. Not until the 3rd date anyway.

Okay, now that I look at it, it really isn't much more different than what's already up there. The main differences are this profile makes mention of sex and tells the whole story of what I'm ultimately after, i.e. marriage and comfortable home. Why wasn't that stuff in there before? I guess I assumed that the sex thing wasn't a big deal these days, but I recently found out (thanks bachelor #3, you jerk) that indeed it is a big deal to some people. I am a sexual person. I make no apologies about that, but just because I am so comfortable with that doesn't mean I am not selective with my partners. I think that's worth saying. Sex is important to me and I think that even though it may turn off some guys they're the ones I don't want to get tangled with anyway. Ditto with the marriage thing. I don't want to still be "dating" in 10 years. I've been far more comfortable in my long term relationships than I have with dating, and it's a place I want to get back to when I can. Again, the blatant talk of marriage and family may send guys running for the hills, but I'm not 19 for goodness' sake, I'm damn near 30. I am an adult and I'm interested in other adults. Part of being an adult is planning for the future and that's what I'm doing.

Of course I could just go tot he other extreme and pare it down to:
"SWF seeks marriage-minded cunning linguist with steady job".

Hmmm...maybe I'll try that next.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Well, It's Official

Bachelor #3 is off. I find this extremely flabbergasting (what a great word!). Here's a rundown of the last 3 weeks or so:

1. I send message on OkCupid, get message back, texting and IMing ensue
2. Have drinks, hit it off big time, not so much as a held hand let alone a kiss.
3. Lots of texting and IMing, some of it quite saucy
4. Second date made, rescheduled, and attended
5. Making out occurs with he instigated
6. He goes out of town for 5 days
7. Even saucier IMing and texting
8. Third date made and canceled the day of (after make up on, TYVM) due to flu
9. Sporadic contact, understandable if you feel like creamed crap
10. Somebody's getting better, ooh, very hot IM session utilizing all my skills from my former job as a text chat operator
11. No plans for rescheduled 3rd date.
12. I get some talk about how "it's looking like more of a sexual fling"
13. I mention that I feel like it is a chore for him to eke out any time to see me
14. I get Dear John letter that things are moving "too fast".

Three weeks, ladies and gentlemen. Three. Weeks. There was no sex. None. Just one physical heavy make-out session that I didn't start, so explain to me dear readers (both of you), how is it I'm the one left feeling like a whore?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

McD's and the Fancy Store

McDonald's on Sunday. It's a strange place. Even more than Wal-mart the McD's is where you can find anyone at anytime. Just in the play area I saw:

A Hippie boy with uncombed long brown hair
2 kids in their pajamas
About half a dozen girls in Sunday dresses looking very confused. Poor things were like "We're allowed to play, but these are our good dresses and if we play in them we get in trouble, but church is over now and...."*fizz* *pop* *head splodey*
Kids still in their shoes, parents yelling "Don't take your shoes off! Do you want to get a disease?!"
Parents playing Name That Scream "Hey is that scream your kid?" "Nah, my kid's more of a whiner."
Parents trying to herd their kids
Parents herding other people's kids
Parents herding kids that looked similar to their own kids
Parents in their Sunday best
Weekend dads all jealous that they can't fit on the equipment anymore
Yelling moms
Gossiping moms
Blase grandparents wondering why they have to go through this shit at their age
Fashionable moms
One mom wearing what I'm pretty sure was a bath towel not long ago
And that one creepy old guy that eats in the play area even though it's pretty obvious he doesn't have a kid. It's not that he's a predator, he just likes the bigger tables and will hog a whole one, glaring at the kids and bitching about the noise.

My kid could have cared less about any of it, of course. He ran in there and headed straight for the stairs, shoes still on, smacking his head on something because he wasn't paying attention. Here I am, arms full of food and he's trying to get his shoes off so violently, he makes the knots worse. Some lady there with her little ones helped him, much to my relief, and then he was outta there. When I saw him stuck way up high, crying, she just grabbed some kid and said "Tell (my kid) his mom needs him, now." Lo and behold, here he comes, crying that he hit his head. One hug and a forced drink later, he's back up high like the little monkey he is. All is well for a little bit, he's happily crawling around, barking at the other kids and howling, then...Name That Scream! Yup, it's mine. He's smacked his face now. Right-o one healing kiss and we're off again, except...

"Hon, where's your socks?"
"No, really, where are they?"
*points in the vague direction of "up"*
"Go get them and put them back on."
"Wanna go play!"
*Motherly sigh* "Just get your socks."

Other Lady recruits every kid she can corral for a minute to look for the erstwhile socks. Nothing doing. Ah well, maybe he'll learn not to take his socks off next time. A Happy Meal and a pair of socks almost too small for him is a small price to pay, I guess. So now it's time to go. It is beyond lunchtime and Boogernose needs to eat. There is no way he's going to sit and eat in the restaurant so I get him ready to go, once I catch him, that is. Once I used his middle name some other kid actually herded him back down, telling him there was no fighting the mama on this. I thanked her and when I went to put Kidlet's shoes on, he threw a fit. He wanted his socks! Let him go get his socks! Well, for one last play, here's Helpful Other Lady climbing in the structure to look for these socks. They were awesome socks and all, by my god! I had visions of the Fire Department being called to cut this poor woman out of the plastic jungle! After she returned (thank goodness) there were no socks to be found. Oh well, perhaps the Sock Mice decided they were cool enough to steal a whole pair at once, instead of picking one at random from the dryer. I put a loudly protesting and snot covered tot in the car and he chowed down on his food, which, amazingly, seemed to help calm him down. We drove for a while so he could eat and he kept insisting we had to go to Safeway. Here is the actual conversation:

"Safeway? The grocery store?"
"Yes. Safeway."
"Why Safeway?"
"Because I'm a big kid" (his go-to answer to everything)
"Not what I meant, babe. I mean, what do we need from the grocery store?"
"Potatoes and *mumble*"
"Potatoes and w-*mumble*"
I've pulled over at this point so I can literally read his lips. "Potatoes and what?"
"We have to go to Safeway to get potatoes and...wolves."
"No! That's silly! You can't do that in one trip! Get the wolves first, THEN the potatoes!"
"Wow. So we have to go to Safeway, get wolves, take them home, go BACK to Safeway and buy potatoes?"
"O-kay. You know what? You're weird. And that's okay!"

Well, I didn't want to go to Safeway, but I suppose a grocery store is always an option, a quick call home to get suggestions and off we go up into the hills to the fancy store. That takes food stamps. What the hell. My reason for going to that store wasn't just because it has a bevy of fine products but because they give free big ass cookies to the kids. Helloooo dessert for free! I was good. Somehow I made it out of there with only a pound of bacon, 3 hot dogs, a huge red apple, a huge zucchini, some baby veggies to steam, a scone, and an apple fritter.

Kiddo was regaling me with all kinds of stories, stories about the wolves in the store, ("Just tell them to follow us, hon." "Okay! Come on, wolves, come on.") stories about him turning green, stories about his stuffed puppy. He was telling a lady from the deli all about it and she was so enraptured she got him a fresh sliced piece of cheese. Score! This being a snooty store she figured Kiddo would like some fancy cheese. Nope! Good ol' American does just fine! While he's chomping on that, I'm raiding the fancy meats out for sample. Serrano ham? Spanish dry-aged chorizo? Capicola? Extremely aged salami? Don't mind if I do! The Serrano and Spanish chorizo were my definite faves, even if the sample lady was being a snob about it. She kept peppering me with total food snob questions like she's a damn sommelier of salami. Whatever. The ham and chorizo together cost over $50 per pound, so...yeah. Free samples! We left the store (after my son got a high five from the bagger) with our groceries, free salami, free cheese, free big cookie, and 4 wolves which I am happy to say settled right down in the car and didn't cause a lick of trouble all the way home.


Today I was hoping to grab some lunch with the online guy...he has plans. Well. How nice. I can't stop thinking about how a friend of mine says that if he wanted to see me, he'd make time for me. So there you go. I guess that means nobody wants to make time for me. What a happy thought. You know, it's not easy, what I do. I work outside the home. When I get back from work I have a 3 year old attached to me demanding all my attention. Since that is impossible (I need to pee sometime, as well as eat, wash my face, change my clothes...) he then makes sure I know damn well how displeased he is with me leaving to go to work. Usually this involves doing anything and everything he knows he isn't supposed to. This not only drives me crazy, but I feel guilty for working. I am the only driver in the household so on the days I don't work I run all the errands, usually with the kiddo which is either fun or horrible, depending on his mood. I pay the bills and keep the budgets. I do without. I make the necessary calls (my mom has this thing against the telephone, I don't know why). I have the library card. I do the yard work. I cook sometimes. I help around the house when needed.

And I don't dare say a word about it because the people I know fall into 3 distinct categories:

1. They don't have kids and don't understand the big deal/consider it my fault for getting pregnant
2. They have husbands and don't understand the big deal/consider it my fault for not getting married
3. They did it and they had it SO MUCH WORSE and they will tell you stories that make you feel like the most selfish piece of shit ever for wanting something so horrible as 10 minutes to yourself, a meal without children, or 2 nights a week for dating

I admit, it gets to me. A cranky old woman, an energetic toddler with a smart mouth, 3 dogs and a cat. I get lonely. I get tired. And I get angry. Today I saw that the kid was full of beans. It's too damn hot still to go outside and the house is too small and full of animals to give him the room he needs. If I stayed here with him my mother would've gone berserk and quite frankly, I don't want to hear it and the small fry doesn't need to hear it. Far too often my mom gets so frustrated she comes out with something really nasty and I have to jump on her for it. I flat out told her if she had spoken to me that way when I was young she wouldn't be here today because we wouldn't speak.

So, to keep the peace and give both old woman and young boy what they need I took the offspring to McDonald's and the indoor playground therein. I had to split the food between cash and card, but dammit, kiddo got to climb and run and jump and yell to his heart's content until such time as I put my foot down and said we were leaving so he would actually eat the food I bought for him. He got to do it all in an air-conditioned environment with lots of different kids and about 8 or 9 parents watching. It was interesting, but I'll get to that in a different post.

After that, I wanted to give him plenty of time to eat so we drove way up in the hills and went to a swanky grocery store where kids get free cookies and they take food stamps (don't ask me, I've never figured that one out either.) First stop was, of course, the bakery. I love this joint's scones. We've got some good coffee in the house and the idea of starting my Monday with a peach scone and good coffee was way too good to pass up. But that's selfish. I can't just get myself a scone, so...ah ha! Apple fritters! Mom's favorite! So I get an apple fritter to go with her coffee too. Oh but that's not all! I wanted to get some bacon and over in the fabulous meat department they have Chicago-style all beef hot dogs. To an ex-Chi Town resident they are a godsend. Personally, I don't like hot dogs. I eat them maybe twice a year, if that. Mom and Nelson love them though so, what the hell, 3 hot dogs kind sir! What the fuck will I eat while they have their meaty tubes? No fucking idea. I didn't get myself anything. I could have. I love shrimp and scallops on the grill, mom can't eat them and Nelson doesn't care for shellfish so that would have been perfect, but...didn't even occur to me at the time. After I got home I realized I could have done that.

It is nearly 5 o'clock and not one person has thought to ask me what I wanted to do today.

Why do I do this? I can't think of the last time someone did something nice for me. Just me. No agenda. No reason, except they saw something, or heard something, or tasted something they knew I'd enjoy. Maybe I need to get a little selfish. Maybe I need to consider it karmic build-up and quit my bitching. I don't know. I really do not know! What do other girls do that makes a guy just say "Wow. I want to spend time with this girl." or "You know what? My girl's been pretty down lately, I'm gonna pick her up a pint of ice cream, or a cup of coffee, or pick up her favorite food for dinner." What do these girls do to get treated this way and where are the guys that actually do it? Today I got a message on OkStupid from someone with no profile (seriously they haven't done a single thing to it) making a crass sexual remark. That was the only line, an allusion to their penis and what it can do. Yippie.

And yet, I get told I'm too negative. Maybe I am. If nothing else, all you guys out there? Do something nice for your gal, especially if you happen to be dating a single mom. I can guarantee they need it.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Saga of Bachelor #3

Two posts in one day! You know what this means...the kid is actually sleeping today!

Anyway, the Saga of Bachelor #3 begins in the usual way of these things, by a message sent on OkCupid. We meet for a drink and it goes well. I'm ready to jump in a backseat and furiously make out for a good 30 minutes, but my hormones and I reign it in. I want to say this is on a Thursday, but I may be wrong. Okay, there is copious texting and IMing of a flirty nature and a second date is set for Sunday. Cool. Well, maybe not. He moved over the weekend and begged a raincheck due to exhaustion. Okay. So...Wednesday. Movies at his place. Maybe food. No. No food, I need to eat before getting over there. O-kay. Not even a $10 pizza. Huh. Do guys not do that anymore, the "dinner date"? Whatever, I'm still excited about getting to watch a movie rated higher than PG. I get there and on cable is 500 Days of Summer. I'd never seen it and I still wish I hadn't. It was, in my opinion a whole lot of "poor sad Hipster" garbage. I found not one character I could identify with on any level at all. I was mentally hoping Bruce Willis would show up and shoot somebody, anybody, to break the monotony. Movie over. Oh wait, no, before I go into that I have to mention the surreal part of the evening where his mom showed up. That's right folks I got to meet his mom when she showed up with his Garfield comforter! Credit where credit is due, he was rightfully mortified and the whole thing was over rather quickly. Hilarity was had by me, and I was once again grateful that my mother does not drive and therefore was unlikely to show up next.

Move to the bedroom. Watch a good movie, well I liked it anyway, I'm pretty sure he did too. He picks movie #3, I (Heart) Huckabees. I was so glad the making out happened shortly after the start of the movie, because that thing was doing nothing for me except making me start counting the incidents of Unfortunate Hair. Mmmmm. Making out good. There were the usual snarls that happen from one partner to the next, you know what I mean. Feeling each other out (so to speak), getting the right teeth/tongue ratio going on, squeezes, strokes, rubs, pinches, and volume. None of these are givens and that's why I never try to judge overall technique until at least the 3rd session where most of the kinks are worked out (or in as is your preference). Whatever, I had a really good first orgasm (yes I have more than 1 as a general rule, no that's not a challenge) and I was ready to give him his, and...nothing. It's not that the erection was gone, far from it, he just didn't want to ejaculate. That is the first time I have EVER heard of such a thing. Usually even the most fastidious of male will nab a Kleenex or a t-shirt or a picture of the Pope and go for broke. To just hold it in is, well, weird to me! He said he didn't want to make a mess. Yup. You read that right. I still have no idea what to think of that and I'm waiting to make a judgment until it happens again, or we have sex. He's going on vacation for 5 days so the next date won't be for a while.

Date Number Three! Friday night. Dinner. A show. He's been a little cranky with the texting all week, not responding to the kind of flirtiness that was going on before. He just kept saying that he wasn't getting back into Work Mode after Vacation Mode. Well, he still asked me out for that date so it's not like he isn't into me a little bit, right? Except it's like pulling teeth to get anything firmly set. I admit I had wicked PMS and was likely being a pushy broad but I do need to make sure things are taken care of with my kid and, more importantly, the sitter. I also need to make sure I have enough time to do everything that needs doing.

See here's the thing- I'm the only one who drives. If an errand needs to be run, I need to do it. If the kiddo goes to the doctor, I'm on it. I have no assistance of any kind. Even if his dad was around he doesn't drive either. I work outside the home, I have chores inside it, first and foremost giving a toddler as much attention as he needs, which is impossible. If I want something specific for dinner, I cook it. I am a busy person, especially if I'm getting the hours I need from work. When I ask for specific times and places, it's not because I'm being pushy or demanding, it's because I want to make sure to give my date the attention THEY deserve and in order to do that I need to take care of everyone else FIRST as best I can. It's not you, it's me. Multitasker from Hell.

Okay, I try to explain the problem and apologize and everything seems okay. Meet at restaurant at 7. Cool. I'm just about to leave the house, all jazzed up, the kiddo and sitter eating hot dogs (bleh), I check my phone....2 messages. From him.

He has the flu.

Why he didn't mention he physically did not feel well all week, I don't know. Why he waited until 12 minutes after work ended to text me, I don't know. All I know is, the money I had for drinks and stuff now went to MY dinner since even if I liked hot dogs, there wasn't one made for me. A total waste of mascara. The general consensus is varied:

Friend #1- Dude, he ain't into you. Move on. If online stuff isn't working for you then get out there. Go to bars, go to a movie.

Fair enough. Of course, I don't like bars, movies are not a place to go to meet people, and I'm "out there" all the time. At Fry's, Albertson's, Safeway, Sunflower, Target and Walmart! That's out there!

Friend #2- He's sick, or he isn't. He's into you or he's not. Nothing you can do about it, so it's all practice.

Practice. I hate that. I don't want to "practice" anything. I don't want to date interminably, I want a stable relationship. I've done it before and I'm far more comfortable there than here in Wasted Mascara Land.

Friend #3 (an actual male!)- Go with Friend 2. My gut tells me this isn't a big blow off, so don't sweat it.

Easy for you to say down there in Paradise. I appreciate it and all, but come ON.

I have IMed with him since then and he still sounds off. He says he feels off but has dragged himself out for a prior engagement of a friend's kid's 1st b-day party. I admire the sense of duty, but on the other hand (and I know this sounds petty and bitchy as hell) is it too much to ask just to get a straight goddamn answer here? I. Am. Into. You. Are. You. Into. Me. Or. Is. This. Thing. Done?

I just don't know, and quite frankly, if this is typical dating you all can fucking have it.  

Short Hiatus

That's a nice way to put it, I think. In reality, I've been lazy. I would not have a decent topic to post about, go looking for inspiration, next thing I know the kid's awake and I've still got nothing. Sometimes I even slip out and run a quick errand while the babe's snoozing or I use the hour or so to read a good book. Whether I fall asleep while reading is a crap shoot at its best.

I've also been putting time into OkCupid, which has paid off not one fucking bit. I get no messages, and yet I see these profiles where guys say shit like "I don't want to get lost in some full inbox so ladies should message me first." Wanna know what's wrong with that sentiment Bucko? EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING THE SAME THING. Why do these guys think that just because we have lady bits we are just inundated with offers for everything from a quick roll in the hay to an all expense paid weekend in Maui? It doesn't work that way, Gentlemen! Here's how it really works: The decent guys think that they will be lost in a crowd that doesn't exist so they wait for the ladies to message them. Less work and worry for them. Meanwhiile the real Twatwaffles of the 'net are messaging gals willy-nilly (or willy in hand more likely) looking to hone their douchebaggery skillz. Meanwhile all we girls see is an inbox full of tumbleweeds and the occaisional "opportunity" to join the Fiesta De La STDs. Is it any wonder the numbers seem slightly skewed between male and female members of these sites?

Being an Equal Oppurtunity Bitch, here's a quick tip for the ladies- stop saying you're Bi if you aren't. If you think that the best way to get dinner is by dangling out the faint possibility that you may make out with the waitress in lieu of tip, then the guys who ask you out aren't interested in your personality. They don't care if you're a smart, educated, fully deserving, wonderful woman, they care whether or not they'll be able to tap out "Dear Penthouse" on the bottom of the table in Morse Code with their dicks while watching a free girl on girl show. Stop saying you're Bi unless you are absolutely 100% into both genders as damn near equally as you can be and looking to openly date and/or fall in love with someone regardless of what kind of wedding tackle they sport.

Actual dates I've had as of this writing? 4 I guess, and 3 of those were first dates.

M- had coffee, really felt no spark, no big deal
K- absolute fun to chat with, long coffee date, never got a second one, sucks, but he wasn't really looking anyway, he just kind of forgot he had an active profile. whoops.
C- great first date, fantastic second date even if it was just watching DVD's and making out. There were a couple of issues, which will be their own post.

I'm trying, folks, I really am, but I gotta say this isn't making me too happy at all. Meeting up for coffee, or a drink or whatever just seems kind of...pointless. The whole essence of Rules to be Followed, and the Theatrics of it kind of bore me. Not to mention the whole subset of Rules for dating as a single parent. The makeup, the clothes, the expense of things you can't afford (like makeup and clothes) and the juggling act of Job, Family, Money, Feelings, Stress, Obligations, Desires, Wants, Needs, and of course Self is bad enough without the added pressure of posturing yourself like a goddamn animal during mating season. Yet in the western world there is still this ferocious outcry against arranged marriage. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all.