I am getting really tired of online ads. How can so many people find so many ways to say nothing? I'm including me in that assessment, I have over 500 words in my profile and it fails at conveying what I'm really like. Just like Bachelor #3's profile failed spectacularly in forewarning the ladies he has hangups galore when it comes to women who know a thing or two about their sexual natures, mine fails in letting the guys out there know that I am that kind of girl. However, would a more truthful profile be any better? Is there a reason, some rule I'm not aware of (totally possible) that we as people aren't more honest about themselves when it comes to things that may make or break a relationship with another person? Let's try it, shall we, and see what makes a 100% honest profile such a bad idea. I'll even do it in OkStupid format to make it even more plausible (ish).
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My Self Summary
I'm a mom first and foremost. I work outside the home, raise my kid alone with no help from anybody, pay the bills and keep the budgets, run all the errands, do the yardwork. I share my house in which I also help out with occaisional cooking and cleaning. I spend 99% of my time doing things for everybody else, and I'd like to focus on me a little bit. Recently I've gotten my mom to agree to take care of the Kidlet so I can get out of the house and try to remember what being an independant human being is like.
So far the biggest problem I've found with meeting people on here is that they don't seem to have any time to date anybody. Please, if you feel it would be a chore to make time for me, say, once a week, then don't get my hopes up. Another issue seems to be that nobody does "dates" anymore. It's always "hanging out". I thought "hanging out" was something you did after the date when you know you're happy just being with another person. You know, when you're comfortable to the point that you can forego eyeshadow and burp in front of them. Maybe that's just me.
I enjoy giving and receiving neck/shoulder/back rubs. I don't embarass easily. I like clean fingernails and shiny toes. I have a PhD in snark.
What I am Doing With My Life
Working when I can and surviving day to day. Little by little getting back into myself as a human being, not just as a mom. Conversely, I'm also trying to find new things to experience with my son that are free and won't make me nauseous.
I'm Really Good At
I make jokes a lot about almost anything and I love to tell stories (usually when you don't expect them). Normally, I can hold my own on any given subject of conversation from asparagus to Zionism. I do all the voices in my son's storybooks and can carry a tune without a bucket. Sometimes I wish I could just check into a nice hotel and draw for a couple days.
I like to throw tasty things into a crock-pot and have it be even better by dinner time. Spaghetti sauce and Amaretto cake are my specialties.
The First Things People Usually Notice About Me
I'm short, sardonically funny, and pretty darn open about anything you'd like to know.
My Favorite Books, Movies, Music and Food
I read constantly. Right now I'm on the last book of Harry Turtledove's "Settling Accounts" Series. My current favorites include alternate histories, dystopian novels, Jasper Fforde, and China Mieville.
I like lots of different movies including documentaries, comedies, most super hero movies, bad Sci-fi (love MST3K and RiffTrax), Stephen Chow, Shaun of the Dead, Monty Python, and the very occaisional chick flick.
Music is another mix of just about anything from Mozart to Classic Rock to modern Pop. I listen to the radio in my car a lot and find that I know a lot of songs but I don't know who sings them. I have a soft spot for 90's music including Lisa Loeb and Tori Amos. I sing "Cornflake Girl" as a lullaby to my son. I've always loved David Bowie.
Given my figure, you may assume I really like food. You'd be right. Sushi, Pho, Chinese, and Indian food are all wonderful. Italian beef sandwiches, chicken wings, pizza and beer are all great too. I watch a lot of food shows on Travel Channel and Food Network. Hell's Kitchen is back on which makes me happy. I don't drink soda anymore, but I love iced tea and good coffee.
The Six Things I Could Never Do Without
My son, good food, great books, my sense of humor, new things to learn, and something to look forward to.
I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About
What kind of home I'd like to have, and my role in it. I want to be married. Ideally I'd like to have another child or two and do it right this time. My son is the happiest of accidents but I never intended to be an unwed mother. I'd like to be able to have the freedom to stay home while the kids are small and make a home for them, myself, and my husband. I'm not Martha Stewart but I think I could do it in my own way. I'd like to not have to worry about utilities being turned off, or checks bouncing. When the kids are in school I'd like to be able to work part time somewhere and put that money in savings and/or use it for vacations. Either that or sock it all away for the African photo safari I'd like to take before I die. Sound too June Cleaver-ish? Too bad. Believe me, I have a way to put my own stamp on anything I do.
What is my son going to be when he grows up? What should my next art project be? How the hell am I supposed to achieve any of the things I've already mentioned?
On a Typical Friday Night I Am
Doing absolutely nothing special, that's kind of why I'm here, I'd like to change that. It's time for some Out of the Ordinary.
The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit
I have absolutely no problem talking about sex, or making my desires known, but in reality 98% of anything I've experienced has been with a total of 2 guys, both of which were men I thought I was going to marry. Those experiences have made me somewhat sex-forward and that may throw certain guys off. Imagine how much fun the guy that puts a ring on my finger and actually follows through is going to have. Serial monogamists can be kinky too.
You Should Message Me If
You are seriously searching for a partner, not just a date. You have a love for a good debate and realize that a debate and an argument are not the same thing. You are patient even when I'm not. You're dependable and just a little bit nuts without any silly hangups about commitment or sex.
Speaking of messages, why do I keep seeing profiles with bits in them about how "girls get tons of messages anyway and I don't want to get lost in the crowd". What the hell kind of crap is that? Just send a message for Heaven's sake! I don't bite. Not until the 3rd date anyway.
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Okay, now that I look at it, it really isn't much more different than what's already up there. The main differences are this profile makes mention of sex and tells the whole story of what I'm ultimately after, i.e. marriage and comfortable home. Why wasn't that stuff in there before? I guess I assumed that the sex thing wasn't a big deal these days, but I recently found out (thanks bachelor #3, you jerk) that indeed it is a big deal to some people. I am a sexual person. I make no apologies about that, but just because I am so comfortable with that doesn't mean I am not selective with my partners. I think that's worth saying. Sex is important to me and I think that even though it may turn off some guys they're the ones I don't want to get tangled with anyway. Ditto with the marriage thing. I don't want to still be "dating" in 10 years. I've been far more comfortable in my long term relationships than I have with dating, and it's a place I want to get back to when I can. Again, the blatant talk of marriage and family may send guys running for the hills, but I'm not 19 for goodness' sake, I'm damn near 30. I am an adult and I'm interested in other adults. Part of being an adult is planning for the future and that's what I'm doing.
Of course I could just go tot he other extreme and pare it down to:
"SWF seeks marriage-minded cunning linguist with steady job".
Hmmm...maybe I'll try that next.
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