The Saga of Bachelor #3

Two posts in one day! You know what this means...the kid is actually sleeping today!

Anyway, the Saga of Bachelor #3 begins in the usual way of these things, by a message sent on OkCupid. We meet for a drink and it goes well. I'm ready to jump in a backseat and furiously make out for a good 30 minutes, but my hormones and I reign it in. I want to say this is on a Thursday, but I may be wrong. Okay, there is copious texting and IMing of a flirty nature and a second date is set for Sunday. Cool. Well, maybe not. He moved over the weekend and begged a raincheck due to exhaustion. Okay. So...Wednesday. Movies at his place. Maybe food. No. No food, I need to eat before getting over there. O-kay. Not even a $10 pizza. Huh. Do guys not do that anymore, the "dinner date"? Whatever, I'm still excited about getting to watch a movie rated higher than PG. I get there and on cable is 500 Days of Summer. I'd never seen it and I still wish I hadn't. It was, in my opinion a whole lot of "poor sad Hipster" garbage. I found not one character I could identify with on any level at all. I was mentally hoping Bruce Willis would show up and shoot somebody, anybody, to break the monotony. Movie over. Oh wait, no, before I go into that I have to mention the surreal part of the evening where his mom showed up. That's right folks I got to meet his mom when she showed up with his Garfield comforter! Credit where credit is due, he was rightfully mortified and the whole thing was over rather quickly. Hilarity was had by me, and I was once again grateful that my mother does not drive and therefore was unlikely to show up next.

Move to the bedroom. Watch a good movie, well I liked it anyway, I'm pretty sure he did too. He picks movie #3, I (Heart) Huckabees. I was so glad the making out happened shortly after the start of the movie, because that thing was doing nothing for me except making me start counting the incidents of Unfortunate Hair. Mmmmm. Making out good. There were the usual snarls that happen from one partner to the next, you know what I mean. Feeling each other out (so to speak), getting the right teeth/tongue ratio going on, squeezes, strokes, rubs, pinches, and volume. None of these are givens and that's why I never try to judge overall technique until at least the 3rd session where most of the kinks are worked out (or in as is your preference). Whatever, I had a really good first orgasm (yes I have more than 1 as a general rule, no that's not a challenge) and I was ready to give him his, and...nothing. It's not that the erection was gone, far from it, he just didn't want to ejaculate. That is the first time I have EVER heard of such a thing. Usually even the most fastidious of male will nab a Kleenex or a t-shirt or a picture of the Pope and go for broke. To just hold it in is, well, weird to me! He said he didn't want to make a mess. Yup. You read that right. I still have no idea what to think of that and I'm waiting to make a judgment until it happens again, or we have sex. He's going on vacation for 5 days so the next date won't be for a while.

Date Number Three! Friday night. Dinner. A show. He's been a little cranky with the texting all week, not responding to the kind of flirtiness that was going on before. He just kept saying that he wasn't getting back into Work Mode after Vacation Mode. Well, he still asked me out for that date so it's not like he isn't into me a little bit, right? Except it's like pulling teeth to get anything firmly set. I admit I had wicked PMS and was likely being a pushy broad but I do need to make sure things are taken care of with my kid and, more importantly, the sitter. I also need to make sure I have enough time to do everything that needs doing.

See here's the thing- I'm the only one who drives. If an errand needs to be run, I need to do it. If the kiddo goes to the doctor, I'm on it. I have no assistance of any kind. Even if his dad was around he doesn't drive either. I work outside the home, I have chores inside it, first and foremost giving a toddler as much attention as he needs, which is impossible. If I want something specific for dinner, I cook it. I am a busy person, especially if I'm getting the hours I need from work. When I ask for specific times and places, it's not because I'm being pushy or demanding, it's because I want to make sure to give my date the attention THEY deserve and in order to do that I need to take care of everyone else FIRST as best I can. It's not you, it's me. Multitasker from Hell.

Okay, I try to explain the problem and apologize and everything seems okay. Meet at restaurant at 7. Cool. I'm just about to leave the house, all jazzed up, the kiddo and sitter eating hot dogs (bleh), I check my phone....2 messages. From him.

He has the flu.

Why he didn't mention he physically did not feel well all week, I don't know. Why he waited until 12 minutes after work ended to text me, I don't know. All I know is, the money I had for drinks and stuff now went to MY dinner since even if I liked hot dogs, there wasn't one made for me. A total waste of mascara. The general consensus is varied:

Friend #1- Dude, he ain't into you. Move on. If online stuff isn't working for you then get out there. Go to bars, go to a movie.

Fair enough. Of course, I don't like bars, movies are not a place to go to meet people, and I'm "out there" all the time. At Fry's, Albertson's, Safeway, Sunflower, Target and Walmart! That's out there!

Friend #2- He's sick, or he isn't. He's into you or he's not. Nothing you can do about it, so it's all practice.

Practice. I hate that. I don't want to "practice" anything. I don't want to date interminably, I want a stable relationship. I've done it before and I'm far more comfortable there than here in Wasted Mascara Land.

Friend #3 (an actual male!)- Go with Friend 2. My gut tells me this isn't a big blow off, so don't sweat it.

Easy for you to say down there in Paradise. I appreciate it and all, but come ON.

I have IMed with him since then and he still sounds off. He says he feels off but has dragged himself out for a prior engagement of a friend's kid's 1st b-day party. I admire the sense of duty, but on the other hand (and I know this sounds petty and bitchy as hell) is it too much to ask just to get a straight goddamn answer here? I. Am. Into. You. Are. You. Into. Me. Or. Is. This. Thing. Done?

I just don't know, and quite frankly, if this is typical dating you all can fucking have it.